The other day, as an experiment (honest), I ventured onto the shopping channels. What I love about the shopping channels is how excited the presenters are about their stuff. Take one of the jewellery programmes, for example - the guy was selling various bits of turquoise jewellery, and he was saying how he'd been to Windsor (home of the Queen, don't you know) and he hadn't seen one bit of turquoise jewellery in the shops. At the time he was waving around a hand adorned with a ring equipped with half a dozen oval lumps of turquoise so big that the neighbouring fingers couldn't get anywhere near their bejewelled companion. I mean, turquoise is okay, but it's not quite a diamond is it?
Then there was the amazing shampoo which 97% of people said was shinier than other shampoos. I've always struggled with shininess of hair - apparently shiny hair is different to greasy hair, but I'm yet to really work out what the difference is.
Another jewellery channel promised that only real gemstones was used, no glass or plastic - it does include agate, which, although nice looking, isn't necessarily the most expensive of stones.
Then there was a makeup show. Some guy was dusting a willing volunteer with his magical substance (ahem, accidental double entendre there), saying "There's some redness on her skin, some discolouration..."
Oh no! Not discolouration!! Surely she should just be put to death for the crime of discoloured skin!
For further tools to improve your appearance, how about a box you strap to your tummy to freeze that fat right off your body? Or you can remove that unsightly body hair with infrared pulses (a fancy term for burning it off - I wonder if when you use it you end up smelling like burnt hair?)
And also there was a mattress which someone said "evenly distributes all your weight on your knee, your hip, your shoulder" which, to be honest, aren't the parts of my body which I ever thought of as being particularly good for managing large amounts of weight, but it's certainly got a unique selling point.
And of course, no trip through the shopping channels would be complete without blenders, and no less than 3 different blenders were shown, all promising to create amazingly tasty drinks with nothing more than fruit, vegetables, and perhaps a little water. Funny though, they all happened not to mention the cleaning of the blender after making the drink.
All in all, a fascinating evening. I can't wait to see what's on the channels tomorrow.